Project Me

Obsessions

Life is full

always running so quickly by

as if dawn and dusk were one event

black to purple, blue to orange, and red to black

before I know it I'm back in my bed with 

the few minutes I have to spare 

Same routine

same fixations

because deviation

could only mean I may not get to sleep tonight

a change in my direction

might mean I need to understand the entire new relativity

to variations of a string theory

I never would have come across

if I just stayed to

the plan.

a throbbing compulsion

a pounding affliction

each new thought lighting up my room like a flicker from my ceiling bulb

questions, questions questions 

bouncing around inside my head as if it were empty

before tonight

and my body is aching to overflow

restlessly staring hour upon hour.

I need to understand 

lest I wish to lay here in bed going over

the questions

pondering, wondering, repeating

what if, how is, when, why, how for, 

it's always so long...

So loud...

obsessions

This

...

Was never a problem before her.

I've loved so deeply once

and I gave it everything I had in me

for 9 years

I proved it to her

for 9 years

I fell asleep to the sound of her voice

the memory of her kiss

and the warm embrace

we shared

my routine

I can remember waking up to her sleep giggles

I wouldn't wonder or hope,

I knew I was the one

making her lips curl

into a smile

and her voice to subtly bounce

I knew

 her

better than I knew myself

The sweet taste of graham crackers on her kiss

the subtle scent of her

that always drew me to her neck

the way that same small piece of hair always escaped her

when she put her it up

With ten million freckles

we'd created constellations down her arms

like we could map the universe across her body

and the depth of existence

could never be deeper than the look she had in her eyes

when I was being a ridiculous

and she found it beautiful.

when the world made sense

I never questioned anything

and now that she's gone

I can't stop questioning everything.