Hello Dear Friend

What You Do


There are Millions of words in Thousands of languages
and with all I've searched through
there is not one yet to describe you.


You with your curly spanish black hair
that defies it's colour as often
 I catch sight of it's brown hues

You with your eyes the colour of melted Chocolates
that shine with a red depth of strawberry syrup in sunlight
 that still at times sink into a colour deeper and more dangerous
than darkness of thunderstorms


You with your sharp words
 and...

...and sharper tongue
that has had the ability to pull me apart slowly into every direction
without my aware but with all my permissions
all at once


You who had left me blissfully unaware
you were both molding me and cutting me apart into pieces
so small I still wondered
where they belong

...if they're mine...
 
...or pieces of him...


How is it you  sooth me
and frighten me
at the
both
together?



How are you able to make the hours and days feel like mere moments
only to cut me so deep in a  single breath I relive it

 moment after moment...
hour after hour
day after day
week after week ...after week

 As if time means nothing when it runs through you and I together...

All Without Ever Knowing What You Do?

Paint it beautiful

Have you ever had a heart so full you felt it could spill over?

 Use its contents to paint the world beautiful again?

 Maybe write it a sentence kinder?

  Like life and wonder can be called from the shallow hole it used to reside to fill entire rooms, blocks, miles!


This kind of love exists.  It lives in every single person's potential.  In the love for their partner... their pet... their plant... their favourite outfit... and most importantly the love they hold for themselves.

Never forget your potentiality.

Paint the world with
all the colours of your soul.

Transform it into beauty
so people may see
what you experience.

I didn't need you to give me reason to live. I didn't need you to know what I was put in this earth to do.  You tried over and over to destroy that which made me shine.  You even kept my breath from me sometimes... But even if I had to die I had already won because no matter how much you could try... I knew... your deepest hatred could never be stronger than the love I held within myself.  Loving is who I am and you can't destroy me... only that which holds me here.

Being in love

BEING IN LOVE

is probably the most amazing thing any of you will

ever experience!

Falling in love and being in love are close to one in the same

but

but but but but but

Being in love!

Even if the relationship

ends

for whatever the reason

If you were really in love with a person

the kind of love

that lasts

the truest kind

that is non conditional

You will know exactly

if you do

...

Have you ever found a song that's exciting

That grips your chest

runs away with your thoughts

makes you want to move

It hard to breath

And the world escapes

while you spin inside yourself

like the beat

and the melody

have run away with you

Being in love is exactly like that

when you're in love with someone

and you love them with everything

every piece

ever sigh

every annoying and amazing thing

they do

When you're actually in love

this will happen

at the most unexpected intervals

The moment

can be fleeting

and sometimes it takes over the night.

This person

runs away with you

stealing all that you are

If you're lucky

and

the other person feels the same thing

What else

is there to do

but to

Dance in each other!

Cherish

every god damn 

amazing, overwhelming, exhausting

and exhilarating

second of it.

LOVE IS A DIFFICULT SUBJECT

...I know I havent stated it here... but just this year I divorced my wife, the love of my life.

No this isn't a sob story... don't worry...

...But it is understanding...

When you love someone so much that when you start the sentence "I love..." and the other persons name so seamlessly falls into place it's constantly like a slap in the face.  I could be going to say I love pizza and her name would fall from my mouth.  It was ingrained in me because I loved her that much.  Love... I still love her. No matter what she did... or how things ended...

...but that of course made me feel like I didn't want to worry about love.  I wasn't sure it was ever going to go away enough to feel the way I felt about her again... but with someone else.  Burying the helpless romantic in myself for nearly a year... and Yes... I am the BIGGEST Romantic!  Sappy Sappy!  Just thinking about it makes me yearn to spoil someone special.  :) ... It happened once more just recently... and I was just done with it!  This automatic reflex was driving me nuts!


...I'm done being sad about this... I'm Done!

Things happen the way they're supposed to, yes?  And this song has my heart jumping for the excitement and love I know I will have again some day!  This song!

http://youtu.be/Lqq5BIjz5hs




                                                         "You're In Love"

Imagine driving down the one lane road
Down by the chapel we could be alone
And with the rain there's nowhere else to go
We'll watch it fall
Don't try and tell me you don't want to see
What it would be like to grow old with me

You're in love every other day
Cause you smile at me like you're dying to say
That your heart beat stops when I'm walking away
So don't walk away
You're in love
Every other day you're in love

Imagine drinking wine in Sicily
And you'll be kissing me on New Year's Eve
Nothing but cobblestone and red brick streets
You'd like the cold
Just tell me what it is that's holding you back
If we get lost we'll follow old train tracks

You're in love every other day
Cause you smile at me like you're dying to say
That your heart beat stops when I'm walking away
So don't walk away
You're in love
You're in love when you're holding me tight
But you're out of love when we're saying goodnight
And you don't know why I make you feel so right
But it feels right
You're in love
Every other day you're in love

Imagine you and me
And how beautiful we could be
Yeah

You're in love every other day
Cause you smile at me like you're dying to say
That your heart beat stops when I'm walking away
So don't walk away
You're in love
You're in love when you're holding me tight
But you're out of love when we're saying goodnight
And you don't know why I make you feel so right
But it feels right
You're in love
But it feels right
You're in love
But it feels right
You're in love

Land Amongst the Stars

So

In my head I've lived a completely different life

than the one that plays before me.

I'm far more ambitious

have way more adventures

that don't end up with me pissing in a street

stone cold drunk.

(Thank You Coyote Ugly)

Money is never a looming anxiety

and friends are always just round the corner.

In my head

I'm me

but better

...and now 

I'm just in need of a way

from point A

to point B

From me

to She

...

This fucking week

Ok how do I begin this...

Hmm...

Firstly. If you know me in the slightest you will undoubtedly have heard the names Rosie and Rose fall from my lips at least twice.   Because A) awesome.  B). ...Awesome... C) British awesome.  D) They came to NY and I got to meet them and a billion other amazing women. E) That's right bitches, I've gotten to E and it's not the last one.  F)  They brought my merch and went on a nice walk with half awake, dirty after work and partying (well ish) me and didn't judge one bit... (To my face.  I'm sure there was quite a judgment. Haha!).  G) I saw pics of them in their wedding dresses and I wanted to cry... But instead tried to act cool and probably insulted them more.   (As I'm writing this I'm beginning to realise what a complete dick I probably was.)   Just to say... Both Rose and Rosie's dresses were absolutely phenomenal!  Rose looked so absolutely sublime!  The dress... The veil... The dress!   I can't even... Its long and flowing!  The train is absolutely gorgeous!!!  And the veil they said goes well into the back is the dress that I couldn't see... Ya know... I just had a thought... I can imagine Rose wearing her converse type shoes under that dress... It would hide them... Comfy... And she could run around.. Because that's what one does in a wedding dress on the day... Run apparently.   Hahaha! And Rosie's dress... It's a fucking princess dress!   PRINCESS!  Do I have to say more?!?   No I don't!  But I'm gonna say it again anyways... A FUCKING P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S  D-R-E-S-S!!!  And the waist piece/beading was SO beautiful!  She says she's getting a matching tiara... I'm just... A fucking tiara!   Anyone hearing this?  Tho I am absolutely not surprised by the tiara business I'm so absolutely excited to see it with the dress!! (If they let me... I may have to wait till they let everyone see actual photos at the wedding but I really want to see now!) 

Ok ok ok moving on...

My point is.   This week has been amazing!  I met some amazing people and had some great adventures!   I met two rediculous and grounded women who have pulled me through some of the toughest times I've had in this era of my life without even knowing it.  Not only did they recognise me but they spent a good 45 minutes with just me walking to an appointment of theirs and were so comfortable to be around ...and Rosie... I noticed something.  Ok at one point in our walk (being that I was intimidated I didn't look at them as much as I should have.  Not gonna lie) at a cross walk Rosie was much closer than I'd thought she was and so when I looked at her I saw her eyes up close.   Like... They caught me.   I've never seen eyes like that.   They were like... Bright swirled green and blue with yellow around the very middle when she had small pupils.  Like... Really.   It was crazy.  And you can't see that on any video or pic I don't think.  Guess I haven't really looked but holy sausage patties!  

Now onto the other fantastic women I've met!   First off I finally ment Claudia in person!   Down to earth... Sense of humor... Easy to tease... Doesn't want to kill me when I poke at her.   Best friend?  ...Oh yeah.   She's def a best friend!  After spending our first 5 hours of getting  lost on trains to New Jersey we then napped and met some other great gals!   First we met was SHORTY!   Petite half red head with an Australian accent (because she's from Australia... Who knew 😉) hanging with Marina!  Tall and fun, with a little bit of wack!   So seriously the best of both worlds teamed up at the gate waiting and having great conversation with us as we waited for the store to open.  Then... We wanted a pic yeah?!   Who doesn't want pics to send to the hostesses via twitter so they know how amazing we are?  Exactly... So shorty went over to another girl who was waiting alone on a bench... And guess who that bitch turned out to be... RAQUEL!  The one and only amazing!  What a fucking sweet heart!  Watch out tho... This softy has bite in her!  Haha!  All of us just glued together... Purchased our purchases... Tickets and more pics.  We met up again at the actual meet and greet like we'd been hanging all week.   Seriously... Instantly attached!   We got ourselves hyped... Then we got others hyped... Vlogged and danced... Waited in anticipation of meeting the two who had brought us together.  That's right... The only Rose and Rosie.  And we did... And it was amazing!   I know I'm going far  into detail but the details what made it unforgettable!  None of this would have been possible without these two women.    

I don't like to fan girl but this week has brought it out in me in the worst way.  If either of you girls read this I want to say thank you from the bottom heart...which has thankfully returned from a crevice in my asshole it fell into when I met these two and back to it's proper place in my left boob.  

Everything this week was fantastic... And then the come down was so bitter sweet. Both Marina and Shory left home... Rose and Rosie left back to England... And here I am typin it all down In hopes I don't forget an damn moment of it.   Now I'm just wondering where my next adventure will come from... Guess I'm about to find out... YOLO.  

~April DeRosier. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Aka strwbrrybanama 

P.s.  I really love p.s's.  So here!  

Because Coyote Ugly didn't have good enough bar dancers... These girls undoubtedly killed it!